|the beast - past - page ii
|Findsomethingandburnit.com 2004-2020. Doc J.Vicious & Murph-O-Minion enterprises. Godfrey, ON.
Content may be used on the condition that the original author be clearly credited.
|Last updated Jan 26, 2019.
Two years of hatchback conformity found me longing for
my rolling spectacle, which had since become a storage
shed behind my house in East Hamilton.
I acquired a second truck - 2 feet longer - in 2005, and
with a 3/16" twist drill and two rivets, Fletcher simply
became Mulder. No alien technology required.
I'd like to claim nostalgia as the reason for the sketchy
VIN plate swap, and to a large degree this is certainly
true, but I also just didn't feel like giving the man another
bag of silver for a title and taxes. As well, the old girl had
already passed the age of emission test exemption, so I
would be able to do as I pleased as far as engine swap
I spent the next summer of evenings after work and
weekends hand stripping the nearly 450 square feet of
paint with the nastiest of chemicals that would burn skin
through latex gloves, the container rife with cancer
warnings, using aluminium coupons as scrapers.
This job truly sucked, but after decades of driving junk
full of wonky spot putty and high fill primers, I wanted a
clean straight metal canvass.
The shop is where the heart is. The kitchen would
suffice. Once that unfortunate divorce was settled.
Although not realizing it at the time, I had become quite
the proficient welder by the time that this project was
underway; in my opinion the quintessential skill for
anyone who wishes to roll with aspirations above Harbor
Freight bolt-on kits.
I managed 1/64" tolerance over 78 inches with the front
wrap around armour. Unfortunately the truck was only
manufactured to 1/4".
Being somewhat OCD and having to purposefully
fabricate out of square to properly mate with a
trapezoidal body not properly centered on the frame
was .. traumatic.
A rudimentary interior cage and a Captain Kirk control
Save for the light arms resistant windshield armour -
ironically spun up not for the zombie apocalypse, but for
idle little bastard rock tossing children in the white trash
part of the Hammer where I lived having already claimed
3 windshields - it still might have passed for a well kept
Note the original GMC dog dish caps.
However this wasn`t the plan.
The sides once again remained bare aluminium, and the
roof white. Practical summer considerations.
Relatively legal, roadworthy, and bad ass - certainly
recognizable at the pubs, the patrons of which had
nicknamed her ``The Bomb Squad Truck``.
I was never entirely certain as to just how effective the
front wrap armour would be when I built it - was I simply
fabricating what amounted to nothing more than a poser
This put to the test in 2016 when a reversing 15 ton
class four straight truck drove her backwards nearly five
feet at a brisk walking speed.
She's definitely bona-fide battle ready.
Arguably right at home in Chickenhead Alley.
Mid-apocalypse film set. Barton Street, East Hamilton,